Why a psychologist, not another advisor

In short: Every piece of advice is also the story of whoever gives it. A psychologist is trained not to tell you another one. We look at yours.

Opinion.

You know your business better than anyone. Your market, your product, your customers. I can't teach you much there, and I won't pretend I can.

You get plenty of advice anyway. From investors, mentors, other founders, friends. The problem is a different one.

Every piece of advice is also a story

A thought that stayed with me:

Give a man a hammer and everything looks like a nail. The surgeon recommends surgery. The lawyer recommends a lawsuit. The trainer finds your posture. All of them are completely sincere. Ask a man whose whole identity is built on discipline why your life isn't working, and he'll say: discipline. That was decided before you even opened your mouth. Relationship advice works the same way. The friend who was cheated on sees cheating. The one who left too late says: leave. They're not describing your situation. They're describing theirs. It's not advice. It's their story.

These stories aren't worthless. Quite the opposite: they are often very valuable. People who have lived through something know things no book contains.

But whether a story fits your problem is a matter of luck. The right advice, at the right time, for exactly your situation: sometimes it lands. Often it doesn't.

This is exactly what a psychologist is trained not to do

A good psychologist is trained not to tell you their own story. And not to lay their solution over your problem.

I won't tell you another story that might fit. We look at you:

• Your story. Where you come from and where you stand right now.
• Your goal. Where you want to go.
• Your resources. What you already have to get there.

That isn't the whole picture. But it's an important part of it. And one that almost nobody gives you along the way.

Everyone looks at the company. Hardly anyone looks at you.

Everyone around you is looking at something else:

• Investors look at the numbers and the story.
• Mentors look at the strategy. And they tell you what they did back in their day.
• Your co-founder looks at their half of the problem.

All of that is useful. But nobody looks at where your decisions come from: your thinking, in your situation, in your current state.

And that state changes. After two good weeks, you make a hiring call one way. After a lost deal and four hours of sleep, you make it another way. On paper the decision looks the same. It isn't.

What a psychologist is for

Four things. The most common one first.

Thinking clearly under pressure. When three things are on fire, people usually solve the loudest one. The important one waits. With a second person who isn't in the fire, it's easier to tell them apart.

Seeing what drives the decision. Fear, ego and exhaustion often lead to decisions that look strategic. "We should change direction" can be analysis. It can also be a way to escape the pain of where things are now. "I'll do it myself" can be efficient. Or it can mean you don't trust anyone. I'm trained to hear that difference. And to ask about it without turning it into therapy.

Reminding you of what you said you'd do. In January you said: by April, you'd stop doing sales yourself. Now it's May. Everyone around you has forgotten, or is too polite. I was there in January, and I wrote it down.

Continuity. I know your story, so we don't start from zero each time. What you told me two months ago is still part of the picture. That way, patterns become visible that a single conversation can't show.

What I do in a session

I take my time. I listen to your specific situation, not a category. I try to see it from your side before I say anything.

Then I help you sort out your thoughts and feelings, so you can act on them. Together we look for the option that fits your goals. Sometimes those are different goals from the ones you came in with.

That's all. It isn't complicated. But it is rare. It takes someone with no stake in the outcome. Someone with solid training in how people think. And someone with the patience to do this every few weeks, over a long time.

What this isn't

• Not therapy. If I think you need clinical help, I'll tell you. Then I'll point you to the right place.
• Not business consulting. If I have a view from running my own companies, I'll say clearly: this is my view.
• Not motivation. Usually you don't lack motivation. You lack a clear head and someone to think with. That's a different problem. And often a very workable one.